Wrap Each Day with a Grateful Heart
A week after Thanksgiving Day, I was casually wandering around in a shopping centre when something suddenly caught my attention, a wall full of sticky notes. I walked up and have a closer look: those were little thank-you letters from people who passed by. Later, I figured out it was an event hold by the shopping centre, where customers are encouraged to take a minute to give thanks to someone in the community.
In this modern world, however, especially in the midst of this global pandemic, it seems comparatively easier to recount the inconveniences, the stress, the disappointments, or simply the memories when we feel sad, lonely, worried, angry. And these undesirables / less desirables are shadowing the moments that are actually great. So, it seems like the best timing for us to shift our attention back to the little things that are wonderful despite all the craziness in 2020.
“Maybe this is a time for us to take a step back from our busy lives and start appreciating the little things life has to offer.”
I remember when I turned 21, I decided to set my year motto as "be grateful". For I know being grateful and giving thanks are topics I used to avoid because public appreciation was not really the norm in the environment I grew up from. I felt sort of awkward and embarrassed telling people how I genuinely appreciate them. But the turning point was - the semester before 21y/o, I took an elective on positive psychology and my project was to take up one of the positive psychology exercises and track my own changes in mental health. In short, being grateful affects me positively, and I plainly feel good.
Speaking of the term "mental health", we often bring up its relative term: mental illness. Nonetheless, mental health issues do not necessarily equal to mental illness (confusing, I know!). Personally, I found it is easier to understand their relationship using the Keyes Model of Mental Health [1]:
This is, instead of thinking mental health on one end with mental illness on another like a straight line, think of it as two separate entities that work independently. Someone can have poor mental health but not a mental illness, likewise, it is possible to have good mental health while living with a diagnosed mental illness. Most of the time, if mental health issues are so intense (e.g. significantly affects one's social, occupational functioning), or last for a prolonged period of time (varies across different mental illness), it can progress to a mental illness.
Having good mental health is about thriving in many aspects, including the competency to feel and express different kinds of emotional statuses, happiness, sadness, anger etc; and the capability to cope with uncertainty and changes [2].
One of the many ways to achieve an even better mental health is to be grateful. The relationship between gratitude and mental health has nowadays drawn more attention from the research field. Gladly, more and more gratitude exercises are found to be effective in enhancing mental health. I'd like to share with you the exercise that I've tried, as learnt from the course, and still using til today: the Three Good Things exercise.
All you have to do:
Not gonna lie, I picked this particular exercise for my assignment because it seemed like the easiest one amongst the list we've got - (1) it takes up so little time (normally it takes me approximately 5 minutes per day to complete the exercise), therefore easy to fit in my daily schedule and less effortful to keep doing it (2) less mentally demanding, compared to other meditation or journaling exercises, thus I thought it was the perfect starter pack.
Here's the result for my assignment: after engaging in the exercise for 4 weeks, my mental health had gained (+17%) so as my gratitude (+7%). (P.S. Measured using some of the evidence-based psychological questionnaires [3] [4])
I was quite surprised for the end result, I was totally amazed by the power of this little simple task. What is more, I totally enjoy the experience of being able to flip back / scroll through my previous entries. It further reminds me of how life is filled with good things, kind people, as well as how easy it is to feel blessed and beloved. Gradually, I witnessed my list to grow, I started jotting down 4 things that were good, sometimes 5. Yet, I didn't turn it to 5 good things a day even as time gone by, because I believe it is better when it comes naturally. After all, the whole idea of the exercise is for us to notice the little sweetness in life and to be thankful about it. Oftentimes, the graces are there, we just oversee it.
In the long run, I find it is easier to express my gratitude to people and less awkward to let others know how much I appreciate the things they've done, or just how much I cherish their company and support. Moreover, I notice when people receive even the tiniest "thank you", their day will be brightened up, too! To be shamelessly honest, I like me better this way.
Next time when you encounter another wall of gratitude, why not try to take a minute and give thanks?
Yours,
The Lights Within
Finding help:
Lifeline: Call 13 11 14
Related articles:
Three Good Things, by Greater Good Science Center: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/three-good-things
Mental health vs mental illness, by nib:
Sources:
[1] Keyes, C. L. M. (2007). Promoting and Protecting Mental Health as Flourishing: A Complementary Strategy for Improving National Mental Health. American Psychologist, 62, 95-108.
[2] Mental Health Foundation. (n.d.) What is good mental health? Retrieved from https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
[3] Keyes, C. L. M., Wissing, M., Potgieter, J. P., Temane, M., Kruger, A., & Rooy, S. v. (2008). Evaluation of the mental health continuum–short form (MHC–SF) in Setswana-speaking South Africans. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 15(3), 181-192.
[4] McCullough, M. E., Emmons, R. A., & Tsang, J.-A. (2002). The grateful disposition: A conceptual and empirical topography. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82, 112–127.
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