Indecisive? What's the Way Out?

Decisions! Our lives are compiled with thousands of decisions, from when to get up, what to wear for the day, where to have lunch, how much money should I spend on a new electronic gadget... to bigger questions such as, who do I want to befriend with, when is the best time to raise my concern? What should I study? Where to live? How to spend my savings...

Woah, that's a lot. And the issue is, sometimes even the simpler questions freak me out, like, how much salt should I add to enhance the favour of my soup? Well, yes, I do struggle with this (nervous laugh). Let's normalise the fact that everyone has their areas of expertise as well as areas with less confidence, and I'm apparently not vibing with cooking, just yet.

But why do we struggle with arriving at a decision? We've been making all sorts of decisions since we're little, so technically we should be highly skilled. How is inconclusive even possible? Let's figure it out along with us! See which one(s) rings your bell, for knowing the reason why you feel inconclusive could shed lights on how we can kick it off:

1 - Insecurity

"Do you think I should ___?"
"I think you have the answer. You just want confirmation." 

Sometimes we do hear a tiny voice deep down our hearts telling us what we really wanted to / should do. Nonetheless, this voice could be clouded by different noise, such as your own past experience, other's opinions, society's "standard" and "normal", etc. All these noises could make us second-guess ourselves and weaken our faith to believe that we are capable of making "good" and "correct" decisions.

2 - Decision Fatigue and Stress

In simple terms, decision fatigue is the deterioration of our ability to make good decisions after a long session of decision making [1]. A documentary about music contest once emphasised that the order in which musician showcase their music does matter because the judges and the audience are more likely to be exhausted after placing evaluation for hours. 

Just as our body feels like jelly after a long day rushing here and there, it requires mental energy to make decisions - we think and assess possible options. When all our mental energy is used up (which is difficult to spot at times), our judgment becomes relatively less sensible, which is a signal for us to seriously get recharged before regaining our fittest mind to make some more decisions!

Likewise, stress undoubtedly impedes our ability to make decisions. There was one occasion when schoolwork had been driving me up the wall, it stressed me further when I physiologically felt hungry but couldn't decide what to get, I visited all the likely options but somehow felt unsettled to any of them. This feeling then triggered me to an outburst. 

3 - Procrastination

Speaking of not leaving things till dawn, some found it hard to make a decision because they don't want to face what's coming next. 

Not gonna deny it, it took me ages to finally decide when I want to take a language test because I just don't want to confront this cruel reality. The mere sight of the test website was enough to make me feel distressed, and avoiding the decision just feels perfect for that moment.

However, the longer we stay on one stage (the decision-making stage) and refuse to move on to the next stage (the preparation stage and follow), we are more prone to doubt ourselves. I learned this through my recent bouldering sessions. 

Taking action is actually the best way to know if this decision works for you.

4 - Too Many Good Options 

To be fair, indecisiveness has a brighter interpretation, too. See, if one of the options is clearly better than the other, we can easily rule out the less ideal one. On the other hand, when blessed with loads of good options (and given that we sadly can't take them all), we do feel indecisive, but likely in a sweet-burdened way. 

Here's an example, three top universities all offer you to study their program, now you have to pick from one of the three brilliant gifts. For a situation like this, my advice would be: After settled on one, convince yourself that this is a gift that really suits you. Stay committed to your decisions, don't look back and attempt to compare, "what if I picked another one..."

5 - Perfectionism and Overconscientious 

You know, I'm the kind of person who spends age deciding which picture to post on my social media, then spend a good few hours editing, plus another hour thinking about the caption. Eventually, I just got stuck in one of the processes and then ended up not posting. 

At times, we got too caught up with a flawless solution and failing to strive for perfection frustrates us. Thus, instead of trying out the alternatives, we just spend hours or days, or even months wandering around just to hunt for the perfect answer. But the point is, most of the time there is no absolute answer. Just as the question I used to start off this blog, there's no fixed answer to what to wear (everyone has their own style), how do spend my savings (there are various mindsets to it), when is the best time to raise my concern (everyone's perception differs). 

What are the Ways Out?

The above list is not all the reasons that brought you the feeling indecisive. While for the above list, I'd like to add some of my thoughts:

For insecurity - Trust yourself, be your own confirmation. It's okay to seek reference from other people, but don't rely on others to make your decision. The final decision should always be in your hand. 

For decision fatigue and stress - Prioritise big decision, don't leave it to the last minute. For stress, we can totally expand on this topic, while the first aid would be to look for a healthy coping mechanism to recharge your mental energy. 

For procrastination - I know overcoming our fear is one of the most mentally exhausting tasks, and it requires a whole lot of courage. Try setting a deadline for yourself and think thoroughly about it and come up with a decision. After the deadline, go with the decision and start acting on it, rather than allowing yourself forever to stay on the decision-making stage. 

For perfectionism and overconscientious - mentally "step backwards" to review the big picture, why do you have to make this decision? It is really a problem if one of the tiny details are not perfect? 

More Tricks?

Here are some more strategies I used for other areas that have not been covered in this blog. We would be more than happy to expand on each and every one, but here's the brief idea:

* Draw a beam balance and weigh the pros and cons. Visualising does help.

* Use the percentage % to express how much you're inclined to a certain option. Quantifying it to help yourself understand what you want. 

* Go where the stars take you. Apply for everything and go for the first (quickest) available option 

* Be patient. If the decision is not urgent, e.g. whether I should date this person? Let time slowly reveal the answer.

It's totally fine to feel indecisive, especially with the bigger questions. But the last thing you want to do is to get stuck in indecisiveness. Take the next steps, understand the underlying reasons, figure a way out, and ACT NOW! Have faith in your ability to make good decisions, for we are undoubtedly capable of doing so!

You're just one decision away from what you want.

Wholeheartedly,

The Lights Within

Source:

[1] MacKay, J. (2018). Decision Fatigue: What it is and how it’s killing your focus, motivation, and willpower. RescureTime:Blog. Retrieved from: https://blog.rescuetime.com/decision-fatigue/#:~:text=Simply%20put%2C%20decision%20fatigue%20is,educated%2C%20research%2Dbacked%20choice.

Related article:

Do you suffer from Decision Fatigue?
https://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html